One week ago, I've written a nice song, in a message of my cellphone. But I've lost it, because my cellphone wasn't in a good day.
She should be careful about what she'll lose. She should see that I cry, that I fell bad for her. She should see that I deserve more than what she shows me, or what she makes believe me. She'll lose me earlier than preview, if she keeps the way she's like me these days. World is that big. Girls are everywhere. She has no reasons to lie. I would prefer than she breaks up rather than to don't talk to me, or whatever. We don't have the same vision, I think. It could work still, but not with her obviously. It's not my fault, it's not her fault. We're made like this. If she can forget me, if she can hide behind lies, good point for her. I don't forget all what she have told me, but I don't know what to think now. If silence equals perfection, so this is perfect. Fate will tell us...
My wish now is to take the first train and to leave. I'd like to go at my cousin's home. I wait for this moment every year.
I would take my car and drive far away under a skylit sky, with good songs to listen to.
Is this my life ? Why is life so hard ? Could'nt life be simple ? I would be the guy who has invented life. I would do everything that I could to avoid sadness, woes, disasters...
I dream. It gives me bravery. But it reminds me my situation after, too.
Sometimes, I would start of new. Begin once new. Just to see what I've missed.
I'm fed up with suffering. Everything hurts me, but I hurt nobody. I'm just more (too ?) sensitive, I guess.
I don't give a fuck with my deportment. I look what I've done. It doen't suck, I'm someone of good, I guess. I'm satisfacted, and even if I regret one or two things of my life today, I don't want to erase them, because they have made me like I'm now.
These new meetings gives me hope. I wonder why, but I'm sure that I'll spend good times later.
I'm asking myself about other things. I have to blame someone for something. This story is old. I don't know if I feel in the same state of mind as before. I don't think about it anymore. Or maybe a little. But it's over and it's been awhile. Even it's running in my head during all days since... so far, so close...
I'm waiting for nest next summer. Ths worst will be spent. I'm too patient generally. But not here.
My first fear is the future and the unknown. My biggest mistake is to close my eyes in front of the light.
My greatest lie is to say that I feel fine. I hope it won't be a lie now...